When You Find Yourself in Quicksand

Despair is not always obvious. It often goes unnoticed. We've learned to hide our frightening feelings of despair. We, especially Christians, put on a flawless performance in our day-to-day life. After all, no matter how low we're feeling on the inside, the play must go on.

So, to most people we appear just what a Christian ought to be -- emotionally stable -- clam, happy, optimistic, in control. For our performance we're praised and welcome as one of the blessed ones.

To despair is to lose hope. To lose hope is to lose touch with God. To lose touch with God sends us back to despair. We're caught in a self-defeating cycle, a downward spiral, a free fall into the dark night of the soul.

"I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God" (Psalm 69:2-3).

I sink into despair when I recognize no power greater than the power of my problem. Everything is dark and frighteningly fluid. Nothing is solid. Nothing eternal. My sickness, pain, prognosis, failure, bankruptcy, loss, grief, death, upside down or broken world becomes my master. Despair rules my soul.

Like others before me, I cry out for help. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." I beg for relief. "Get me out of this miss." "Scatter the dark clouds." "Restore my sanity."

If I'm patient enough to be quiet and listen, Papa-God answers me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). That's where I lost it. I lost touch with the God of grace and the grace of God. That's why I lost it. I looked for a way out, not a way through. I wanted a short cut. God offers me his strength to endure.

I'm no match for despair. But God is. He does what I can't do. He graces me with his peace; he enables me with his power; he gives me a place to stand even with "quicksand under me and swamp water over me," even when I'm going down for the third time.

"I'm hurt and in pain; give me space for healing and mountain air. Let me shout God's name with a praising song, let me tell his greatness in a prayer of thanks" (Psalm 69:29-30, The Message).